It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
