Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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