It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
