my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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