Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize