Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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