All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
