She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
