i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
