She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
