if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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