I met the friendliest cop last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
