He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
