All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
