He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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