you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
