My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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