I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize