Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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