Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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