After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
