Moan for me like Helen Keller
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found puke in my bra..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
