We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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