i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
