if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
