you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
