Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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