its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
