I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
