the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
