May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
