do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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