im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
