All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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