Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
