you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
