he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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