The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
