Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We are two peas in an std pod
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
