I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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