just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
