I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
