So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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