I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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