You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
