dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
