How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
