My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize