He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
