Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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