Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize