I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
