i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
