help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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