everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
