Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
