If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need moral support for this bender
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize