is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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