I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
