I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
