2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
porn star boner night. come get it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
