I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
