Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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