just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
