I got chris browned last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize