Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
