he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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