i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
